...an update for my prayer partners:

I had my meeting with the consultant yesterday.  The cancer was not just one type but had varied strains within the 30mm lump, mainly non-seminomas,including teratomas, embryonal carcinomas, yolk sac tumours, as well as seminoma - if this was bingo, this is almost a full-house!  Unfortunately, it doesn't make me such a useful research guinea pig as it makes tying any particular type down to a specific set of genes more difficult.

…but for me the outlook is looking good - it is even more of a relief to know that it has been removed as there are some pretty scary names in that little lot!  So, I'm now under surveillance for a while longer as one of the tumour marker proteins in the blood (the AFP) takes a while longer to get back to normal, having a longer "half-life" than the others (it was 48 at the time of the operation, falling to 23 after a week and then 11 last Friday, so all heading in the right direction to <1 as we would hope; the other one which was raised (HCG) fell from 36 to <1 within the 1st week.  The CT scan was clear, although they will be monitoring some (only very) slightly enlarged pulmonary lymph nodules in my chest (which is probably just normal), with another CT scan before I can be given the all clear.  However, the conclusion is that is there is no evidence of the cancer spreading, i.e. it was only Stage 1, which is wonderful news!  Next update will be just before Christmas, so hoping that it will be a very happy one...

Thanks for all the prayers, cards and well-wishes.  I feel the love and it helps a lot - God bless you!

Love, Kevin

Cancer - one of the 50%?

Thank you Channel 4 for the excellent fundraising and edutainment programming “Stand Up To Cancer” on Friday evening:

This was perfect timing for me as I had spent the day at the Churchill Hospital in Oxford having a “radical orchidectomy”, or in lay man’s terms, having a troublesome ball removed.  This blog entry is in the spirit of overcoming any taboos in men's health – indeed, I have already been surprised by how many other similar stories there are around me.  However, you might want to stop reading here if “talking bollocks” is not your thing…

As you can imagine, this all took a little while to come to terms with…

I first noticed something felt a bit different “down there” back in August whilst having a shower – not a noticeable growth, the classic “pea-sized” lump that you’re supposed to look for, but just a different texture - a certain hardness in the structure of one testicle compared to the other.  Also, once or twice when crossing my legs, I noticed a painful twinge.  Now this particular ball had a history, having received a direct hit from an egg (or a golfball? – it was dark at the time and I didn’t see it coming!); anyway, the object was thrown from a moving car in Abingdon some 8 years ago, accompanied by some homophobic insults, as I was walking home from the pub with another man after a bellringing practice night ...somewhat ironic that we were both husbands going home to our wives, but the youths in question obviously felt the need to prove their own status as proud heteros.  I still have no idea whether this old injury has been a factor, but I suspect that the ball in question had probably shrunk in size since then.  However, as everything seemed to be working fine I hadn’t ever felt the need to do a scientific comparison - one is always bigger than the other isn’t it?

Anyway, next shower time it still felt a bit different so I mentioned it to my wife (who is a health care worker) and we agreed that I would go and see a doctor if it still felt “odd”, so after perhaps 10 days revealing nothing conclusive either way, the appointment was made in early September.  Even as I explained the problem to the young female registrar (which was much easier than I had imagined), I wasn’t sure whether I might be wasting everyone’s time: it was difficult to point to a visible lump and if I struggled to identify an exact area with the benefit of feeling it ‘from the inside’ at the same time, then was she really going to be convinced?  However, she was very professional, understanding and supportive and I was referred for an ultrasound scan with the 2 week wait – which I had to delay as we would not be back from our holiday break in Spain (...a pleasant distraction).

The ultrasound was a relief in a way because it showed something was definitely not right, the good testicle showed as a smooth consistent grey, whereas the other one looked like exploring a cave of stalactites and stalagmites – a weird structure of dark caverns (liquid?) and solid walls.  The man (this time) doing the scan took various measurements and I could recognise coloured bits showing the Doppler effects of blood flows, but he didn’t give me a running commentary.  Anyway, a phone call from the GP surgery told me that they had found a 2.8cm x 1.8cm growth (more like a grape than a pea?) which we should assume was cancerous to be on the safe side.

Then another appointment 2 weeks later at the Churchill to see the urology consultant who explained that removal was the only option.  Any questions?  ...unfortunately, no sensible ones: all I could think of was whether I would have a sudden urge to invade Poland, but he had probably heard that one before.  So, onwards to meet my personal nurse contact who gave me loads of useful info (MacMillan, Maggies, etc), then off to give blood samples for the 3 markers (LDH, HCG, AFP) and to go through the pre-op checks: weight, MRSA swab, blood pressure, ECG - I was particularly pleased have a heartbeat of 49 despite the situation and to explain that I was a runner, so that they wouldn't think that they might be losing me on the operating table.

Then 10 days to wait which brings us to last Friday and the day of the op.  I signed up for the 100,000 genome research project (apparently I may be one of only 2,200 a year and very much at the older end of the typical age group for testicular cancer) and gave my 3 blood samples which would be DNA sequenced along with the bad ball.  Then I met my anaesthetist and one of the surgeons who drew an incision line, and a big ‘R’ with arrows pointing to my right testicle to make sure that they didn’t remove the wrong one (a good procedure in my book!).  I hadn’t really appreciated that they would be cutting through a fair length of groin/stomach muscle which is why I’m currently grounded for a week… and catching up with blogs, etc whilst awaiting Friday to come around again for a CT scan and further blood samples to be taken.

Anyway, thanks for all the prayer support and encouraging messages.  As this blog is primarily theological, I will conclude by saying that God is right in the middle of this and on the side of all who are fighting the pure evil that is cancer – not least those who work in the medical professions.  I’m also painfully aware that those with more serious cancers will look on anyone with testicular cancer as having won the lottery as it has one of the best likely outcomes – they are in my prayers more than ever.

“…the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”  (2 Cor 1:3b-4)

Holy Saturday and new beginnings

I can’t sleep tonight – so, I found myself imagining what it was like for Jesus on Holy Saturday.

I was reminded of my experience of being wrapped in David Rolfe’s replica of the Turin Shroud, lying on my back with my arms and legs folded.  This was a comfortable position and quite restful.  Then the cloth was folded over my head and the other end taken over me down to my feet, and then the sides folded over to cocoon me in.  Incidentally, we discovered that I may be an inch taller than Jesus.

By Unknown - Own work, photographed at Saint-Sulpice, Paris, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=8476113

And then the questions start – how did the 3D image of a corpse get singed as such a thin surface layer on the cloth?  It is in 3D because the intensity of the image seems to be in proportion to the distance from the cloth, so darkest where it was touching (usually the images we see today are reversed so that the image is white on black to enhance it).  Whether we believe the shroud dates to Jesus time or not, the question remains because intense bursts of radiated energy were unknown in medieval times.

Whilst my belief in the resurrection is founded on plenty of evidence already without the need for the existence of a genuine burial cloth, it is a fascinating question.  So, what if it is genuine?  Maybe we learn something about the nature of resurrection (i.e. it is “nature” because God creates/does it)…

Although not to be read as a scientific explanation of creation, ‘Day 1’ only gets going in the Bible when God says, “Let there be light”.  Similarly, in the New Testament, John's Gospel begins by referring to Jesus as the Light in the World (“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:4-5).  John also writes “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all” (1 John 1:5).

As I was ill earlier in the week, I also happened to switch on the TV at 3.30am and was fascinated by Jim Al-Khalili’s programme mentioning Georges Lemaître, the Belgian priest who first applied Einstein’s laws to come up with the suggestion that all the universe originated from a single point and has been expanding ever since.  Even Einstein dismissed him at first, but science has caught up with Lemaître’s ideas and the Big Bang theory is now regarded as true as it gets from the evidence of the red shift of distant galaxies moving fastest away at around a tenth of the speed of light and also microwave radiation signature which is everywhere in the background (you may need to watch the programme!).

So, bear with me here, this is how my mind works and I have to live it…  what if the same background radiation signature at the beginning of creation is the same energy that we will experience as we share in our new life in Christ, the light?  To a Christian who believes absolutely in the scientific method to discover the wonder of creation, I can’t wait to find out…

In the meantime, have a look at David Rolfe’s website and documentary on the subject of the ShroudEnigma – fascinating!

Bell ringing as a Sport?

I gave a talk last night to our evening group on bell ringing and the part it has played in my own faith journey, bringing me back into church at the West end of the building before progressing up the nave as a church member, joining the choir in the chancel and now as a priest in the sanctuary, about as far towards the East end of the church that you can get!  I repeat this journey most Sundays as a committed bell ringer and Christian minister.

I shared how we begin our ringing on a Sunday morning with a prayer that the bells will call people to worship and that bell ringers are doing a great service to the church in this form of ministry, pointing out that many ringers will not stay to join the congregation because they move on to ring at another tower in a neighbouring town or village.  Indeed, without such committed ringers, the number of churches having their bells rung on a Sunday would be far fewer.

So, inevitably the question of whether bell ringing should be recognised as a sport came up as a result of the article in the Times.  My reaction: Why not?

17th century dumbbell at Knole House, Kent
(drawing on p.58 of History and Art of Change Ringing,
Ernest Morris) from www.jrnorris.co.uk/dumbbell.html

It is certainly physical, still known as “the exercise” and the place where the “dumbbell” originates, as gentlemen would go for a workout on a tied bell so that it wouldn’t disturb the neighbours.  I pity all the people who sign up for gym membership when there is a free gym in most church towers, although you will have to be suitably trained to use the equipment!  Ringing involves considerable commitment to take control of a bell – a skill-level requiring several weeks of regular practice before being able to join in with the rest of the band, and then open to a lifetime of further improvement, greater challenge and complexity.  It involves teamwork, and also healthy competition in the form of striking competitions which also encourage bands to aim for a higher standard, removing the clashes and gaps that spoil the rhythm.  All this goes on to make the ringing on a Sunday morning the best that we can offer.

Whilst I understand that some may have objections in case the sporting aspect were to detract from their main aim of ringing to the glory of God, my natural instinct is always to break down any sacred/secular divide.  We welcome the arts into church, so why not sport too?  I’ve been a long term supporter of Christians in Sport and encourage Christians to witness to their faith in this or any other environment, whether at home, workplace or leisure space (one of the aims of the Cursillo Movement).  Most football teams in Victorian times were started by churches, and even the secularists would struggle to prevent “Abide with me” or “O when the saints go marching in” from being sung at a football ground – sport and religion do mix, as do science and religion or anything else that you care to name.  God is in all things – he created us and everything around us.

Bell ringing had a large part to play in my own faith journey.  It was only after walking away from church after ringing, and seeing the late arrivals rushing to get there, that I questioned my own beliefs and was challenged to read the Bible.  If sport can bring people into a place of faith, I think Jesus would say “Let the sporting come unto me and do not stop them”.